“I don’t know what I want from therapy”: what to do when you freeze

Not knowing what you want from therapy is common, and it isn't a sign that you aren't ready. Many people come in overwhelmed, unsure what is wrong, or worried they will describe it badly. A good therapist can work with that.

Why the question is hard

"What do you want to work on?" assumes you can step back and name your needs. That's hard if you have spent years putting other people first, if you doubt your own perceptions, or if you have OCD and fear you are making it all up.

What you can say instead

• "I don't know where to start."
• "I'd like you to suggest some options."
• "Here's what a bad week looks like."
• "I've tried therapy before, and here is what didn't work."

Any of these is enough to begin.

Directive and non-directive therapy

Some therapists follow your lead and let you set the agenda. Others are more directive: they offer a working idea of what is going on, suggest approaches and explain why. Neither style is better, but if open-ended sessions leave you stuck, look for a therapist who gives structure and options. It's a fair thing to ask about in a consult.

Questions to ask a potential therapist

• How do you usually structure the first few sessions?
• Will you tell me what you think is going on?
• What do you do if I don't know what to talk about?
• How will we know if therapy is working?

When to get support

If you have put off therapy because you don't know what to ask for, you can start anyway. I listen first, give you my read, and offer options to choose from. Book a free 15-minute consult.

Start with a conversation. A free 15-minute video call to see whether we're a good fit. Questions first? Email [email protected]. Book a free consult